Bespoke roast biographies
Give your partner, parent, or best friend a human-written celebrity profile built from the stories only their people know. Funny first, unexpectedly moving by the final page.
Pilot edition: $149 · Digital delivery · One thoughtful revision
“A Man, a Grill, and an Unshakable Belief That He Knows a Shortcut”
The house rules
Your stories are selected, shaped, and written with judgment—not dropped into a name-swapping template.
The peculiar habits stay. Cruelty does not. The ending remembers what quietly makes them wonderful.
Photos, passages, and reactions are never used in marketing without explicit permission.
From lore to literature
We turn characteristic expressions, infamous incidents, irrational preferences, and the good they do unnoticed into one sharply observed portrait.
Send photos, favorite stories, verbal tics, family lore, and the lines we should not cross.
You receive one revision round to correct details and tune the balance of bite and warmth.
Receive a custom cover, polished digital layout, and short excerpt ready to share.
The pilot edition
A tightly scoped creative commission at an introductory test price. The pilot is digital while print production and delivery are evaluated properly.
The Unauthorized Biography
A complete digital gift edition
Limited pilot availability. Digital delivery only.
An unusually good gift
Unfortunately for them, this is that book. Start with the stories everyone still tells.
Start their edition